How sad is the case of Barry Bonds?  The greatest baseball player of my generation is a villain, not a hero.  For a decade Bonds stood head and shoulders above his peers until the inflated heads and shoulders of Big Mac and Sammy provided one falsely magical season and suddenly dwarfed Bonds's numbers.  In a jealous rage, Barry turned to BALCO in order to re-level the playing field and reclaim his rightful position on top of the baseball pecking order.  A couple years later, the steroid secret was revealed (specifically, details surrounding Bonds's involvement) and the vilification process was complete.  Don't get me wrong, Barry's pre-juice star didn't exactly match the shine of his Jordanesque skills.  But if the historical status of the racist prick, Ty Cobb, gives any indication, I think Barry's Hall of Fame credentials were safe. 

But not now.  His magnificent skills could overcome being an arrogant jerk, but could not overcome a desecration of the sacred baseball record books as a guilty-as-sin cheater... unless, well, there actually is one thing Bonds could still do to redeem his status.  Only one thing could turn the godson of Willie Mays into a hero again.  Just imagine if Barry Bonds hit home run number 754, one shy of the record, and after the game he called a press conference to make the following statement:

"For most of my career, I have played the game of baseball with a skill and spirit of competitiveness and love for the game that I learned from my father and godfather.  My numbers during this period of time speak for themselves.  However, unfortunately I let that spirit of competitiveness spin out of control.  Obviously, I was not alone in making this mistake, but I take full responsibility.  I understand the honor associated with the game of baseball.  I understand the sacredness of its history and records.  I understand the negative reaction my recent accomplishments have invoked from fans across the country.

"I do not wish to tarnish this great game any further; therefore, I announce today my retirement from the game of baseball.  I know it has been my goal to break the all-time home run record, but because of my deep respect for Hank Aaron and the game in general, I believe the right thing to do is to walk away from that goal at this time.  My baseball legacy and place in history is for you to decide.  I can only hope that my actions today will inspire all players to clean up this game once and for all and earn back the trust of the fans, not to mention become a better example to kids.  I would like to sincerely thank all the fans in Pittsburgh and San Francisco.  I hope you understand and respect this decision."

Just imagine, Barry, in a 60-second statement you could go from villain to instant hero!  Throw in a donation for drug-testing labs and we're talking a national holiday in your honor.  Breaking the record at this point will only make things worse for you. 

But don't hold your breath sports fans.  Of course he won't do it.  Barry's head, shoulders, and stats have been grossly inflated for years now, and who knows what havoc these drugs are wreaking on his insides... so I'm sure he doesn't have the guts.